Lifestyle

How to help your child develop emotional intelligence with amazing free resources

Learn how to feed your fears to the worry monster!

As World Mental Health Day kicks off today, all eyes are on how we can improve our wellbeing in an uncertain and challenging era.

And one teacher is proving not all superheroes wear capes. Meet Catherine Lynch, ex primary school teacher turned education expert.

With a background in teaching and play therapy, Catherine is now senior manager at PlanBee, who create teaching resources for primary school aged children, aged five-11.

The resources have been created to meet English National Curriculum objectives, and provide the stepping stones to help parents support kids to develop good mental health.

In honour of World Mental Health Day, here are Catherine’s top tips for wellbeing.

1) Name emotions and feelings

Until someone has the vocabulary associated with emotions and feelings, they will not be able to explain how they feel or identify how others are feeling.

Name emotions when your child experiences them, it might feel like you are stating the obvious, but you are giving your child an important tool to become emotionally intelligent.

There are a variety of tools to help the mission on PlanBee, including photo emotions cards, emoji emotion faces cards, and a synonym booklet of emotions.

The synonym booklet in particular is a great way to explore emotional literacy, looking at different words for certain feelings i.e. on the ‘sad’ card, there are also suggestions of what mood someone might be in from sorrowful, depressed, miserable, glum, or blue.

2) Explain the physical sensations linked to emotions and feelings

Help children to recognise how different emotions present in their bodies. Do they normally feel a bit sick when they are anxious? Do their shoulders feel tight when they are stressed? Do they become very busy when they are avoiding something?

By helping them notice these physical representations of emotions they will begin to recognise when they are starting to feel something and might be able to react before their brains get flooded with the stress hormone cortisol.

On the PlanBee site, there are downloadable worksheets to design emotion emojis or draw emotions, in a bid to normalise and familiarise young people with difficult feelings.

3) Understand when and why a feeling or emotion is felt

The better children become at naming and spotting their emotions the easier it will become for them to notice the triggers for their emotions.

If they always get a knot in their stomach on the way to school and know it is because they feel anxious, start to explore where the anxiety comes from. Are they worried about the moment of goodbye, is it walking into a group of people or is it something else?

By pinpointing the cause of the feeling, you and your child will understand it better.

For this exercise, resources include worry monster activity sheets (to write down any worries in his mouth and have him eat up the fear), and a mood tracker.

4) Develop strategies to regulate emotions

When you and your child are able to notice, name and understand the source of a feeling or emotion you can begin to work out ways to help them regulate.

Is a big calming and focusing breath needed? Or maybe a few star jumps?

There isn’t one route to regulating the child’s emotions, what works best for your child will be something you need to figure out together.

Ideas to develop these skills include a meditation for kids guide and mindfulness colouring sheets, which sound helpful for us big kids too!

5) Maintain boundaries to keep everyone safe

Rules that maintain safety should be non-negotiable. These will vary depending on the age and developmental stage of a child. When a child is feeling a big emotion, their brain will not be working in the same way it does when the child is calm.

Expectations and language may need to be adjusted to help the child stay safe.

Rather than seeing a rule as something that a child should be punished for breaking, work with your child to help them succeed in staying safe and maintaining the boundary. 

6) Relate with your child

Once they have calmed down and are able to listen, empathise with your child.

Talk to them about a time you felt the same way and what happened. This will help them to understand their own feelings and feel like you understand and care about them.

Here are a few practical examples of the steps, by following the ‘name, explain, understand, regulate, boundaries, relate’ pattern.

*Excited

(name) “I can see you are really excited.”

(excited) “You can’t stay still!”

(understand) “I am wondering if you are excited about seeing your friend.”

(regulate) “Take a deep breath with me.”

(boundaries) “I can see you are finding it tricky to stay close by. Hold my hand as we cross the road to keep us safe.”

(relate) “One time I was so excited I had so much energy, I thought I might be able to fly.”

*Angry

(name) “I can see you are really angry.”

(excited) “Your face is scrunched up and your fists are clenched.”

(understand) “I am wondering if you are angry because someone didn’t let you play.”

(regulate) “Take a deep breath with me.”

(boundaries) “I cannot let you hit me. If you need to get your angry out try hitting this cushion or blowing away the clouds in the sky.”

(relate) “Once I was so angry I wanted to throw everything I could see but your grandad helped me calm down by giving me playdough to squeeze.”

 *Sad

(name) “I can see you are really sad.”

(excited) “Your eyes are hidden, and your shoulders are hunched.”

(understand) “I am wondering if you are sad because it is time to leave.”

(regulate) “Would you like a hug?”

(boundaries) “It is okay to feel sad. We need to go home now to have dinner.”

(relate) “I sometimes feel really sad about things ending too. Shall we make a plan to come back here again?”

As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you are getting the support you need to help you support the people around you.

For more info, click here: PlanBee.

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